I know we all go through it...that time in our lives when we question the choices weve made and we wonder why we didnt follow through on those dreams we envisaged or the goals we had. Turning 39 a few years ago was the birthday that really shook me up ...it took me for a six! I had this huge wake up call and realisation that half my life had already been lived...F'me! Sorry for the swear word but its a milder version of the melt down that really transpired lol.
My imminent 40th was only 12 months away and it felt as though the last 40 years had passed me by without achieving anything that really stood out as something I could be proud of. I had a reasonable career in Visual marketing and although I enjoyed aspects of it I didnt feel challenged by it. I had no children, (not for the want of trying) and a difficult family situation compounded those feelings of inadequacy. Life, in my books was not a lot of fun!
I felt like I had squandered those precious years in a career that simply paid the bills and that was my lot, work, home, work and home, surely there is more to life? Okay maybe it wasn't all that bad, but I really did feel like I was one of those unfortunates that would never find her true calling or have a family of her own.
But then I had an epiphany and quite literally it woke me in the middle of the night and it went like this...
If I am lucky I will live until the ripe old age of 80 (84 has always been my number)...
then I have 40 odd years left to enjoy it so just get on with it girl!
I cried and cried...because I realised the one thing that was holding me back was my own fears. My fear of failure, that ever present self deprecation that I was not good enough stopped me from giving it a go.
The process wasn't as easy to achieve it was actually quite arduous and in some ways still is. I had to change a lifetime of thinking a certain way. I had to change how I viewed myself and its not been easy. Its taken a lot of heart ache, trip ups, weeding out people from my life that I realised weren't what I thought they were, nurturing and re-establishing old friendships that I had let go wayside because I was lost. Trusting again...trust ooh that is a biggie and setting boundaries is a biggie but I think I am getting it now! lol
Anyways that was 3 years ago but recently I created a digital page to document this poignant moment in my life. I liked the digi so much I made a hybrid version of it to which you can see directly below the digital version. Ooh and these pages were also created for a little expose on moi over at Papero Amo a fabulous shop and community of Czechoslovakian scrappers.
Thankfully things are definitely back on track...with all its ups and downs life is a busy one. I have my own design business yep I took the plunge, I have a supportive husband that has too, gone through a challenging time in his life but its because if this that he is my greatest inspiration....and well most importantly we have a beautiful little boy that is my/our forever expanding universe!
I CAN HONESTLY SAY LIFE IS GOOD!
yay...she says with a sigh of relief ;)
Hugs Em xo